1. Art and Diseño

All Rights Reserved © 2014
RULES OF THE ROAD
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident driver avoids using them.
2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because
the space will be filled in by someone else, putting you
in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the
less chance you have of getting hit.
4. WARNING! Never come to a complete
stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it
will result in your being rear-ended.
5. Never get in the way of an older car
that needs extensive bodywork, especially one with out of state plates.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates..
7. Speed limits are only a suggestion and are
not enforceable during rush hour.
8. Just because you're in the left
lane and have no room to speed
up or move over doesn't mean
that the driver behind you
can’t go faster in your spot.
9. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.
PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - [email protected] - 480.983.9143
WITHOUT SLEEP WE BECOME TALL TWO YEAR OLDS
THOUGHTS ON AGING
• Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me! I want people to know why I look this
way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
• The older people get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting for in line. (Mostly
because they forgot why they were
waiting in line in the first place)
• Eventually people reach a point when they
stop lying about their age and start bragging
about it.
BROTHERLY ADVICE
Two brothers were playing when the younger boy asked his
older sibling whether it was possible to fly.
“Sure,” said the older boy. "Just flap your arms really hard."
Thus, with his brother’s encouragement, the little boy
climbed up a tree, started flapping like mad,
jumped, then smashed into the ground.
Their mother came running, "What happened? Why did you let him jump!"
"I was just teaching him,” said the older
brother laughing, “not to believe everything he's told."
SOME CAUSE HAPPINESS WHEREVER THEY GO; OTHERS, WHENEVER THEY GO.
JUST WHEN THE CATERPILLAR THOUGHT THE WORLD WAS OVER, IT BECAME A BUTTERFLY
THE WORST TIME TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK IS DURING A GAME OF CHARADES
ART IS HOW WE DECORATE SPACE; MUSIC IS HOW WE DECORATE TIME
COFFEE: A WARM, DELICIOUS ALTERNATIVE TO HATING EVERYBODY EVERY MORNING FOREVER
FAITH MAKES IT POSSIBLE, NOT EASY
PRAY ONLY ON DAYS THAT END WITH A 'Y'
I LIKE CHINESE FOOD AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY, BUT YOU’LL NEVER CONVINCE ME THAT A CHICKEN FRIED THIS RICE
HUMILITY EXALTS THE HEART
NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS. KEEP SLEEPING
Tips and Tricks from Bits n’ Bytes Computers
Is it possible to download all my email messages from my computer to a CD or a thumb drive so I can read them later?
There are a number of ways to go about downloading and archiving email messages (whether it's gmail, hotmail, aol, or yahoo);
in general, there are two main ways to achieve this: you can either export emails via web interface if your email service supports
it, or export emails using an email client if you use pop3 or imap to connect and read your ema.ils.
Option #1: Export Emails using Web Interface: For this information I’ll use gmail as an example. I recommend using a third
-party program to read the .mbox file, or import the .mbox file into an email client that supports the .mbox format and read it that
way. To export your gmail messages via the web browser into .mbox format, do the following: A) Log in to gmail and click on
your account icon, located the top right hand corner of the screen. B) Once the account icon is clicked, you will be presented
with a menu; select the 'Account' link. C) On the following page, scroll down to the 'Account tools' heading, then click the
'Download data' link. D) A new window page will open and you will be presented with the option to download an archive of
your emails and other Google services into a .zip file. De-select all options, then select only the option for gmail emails. E)Click
the option to have Google process the messages and email you a link when it's ready. F) When the archive is ready, Google will
send you an email. Login to your gmail and download the .zip archive, then extract the .zip into .mbox format. G) Once
the .mbox file is extracted, you will need to either use a third party program to read the .mbox file or import the .mbox file into
an email client. Mbox viewer is a simple freeware program that can read .mbox files natively. If you use Mozilla Thunderbird,
you can import the .mbox file using an addon called ImportExportTools.
Option #2: Export Emails using Email Client: If you use an email client to read your gmails (or hotmail, or yahoo for that
matter), there is usually be an option to export the emails into another format for archiving purposes, or re-importing into another program. If the export feature isn't viable, you may be able to download a third-party addon to export your emails. For example, if you use Thunderbird to read your gmails instead of logging into the web client interface, you can use the ImportExportTools addon to export your email folders (which contain your gmail emails) into single files, whether it's .eml, .html, plain text,
or .csv format.
Option#3: Use the copy paste method: You can open any email as you would normally do. While the email is open press and
hold the Ctrl key on your keyboard and press the letter “a” (without quotes) This will select the entire email. Next press and hold
the Ctrl key and press the letter “c” (without quotes). Open a blank word document, and press and hold the Ctrl key an your
keyboard and press the letter “v” (without quotes). This will copy the entire email and paste it into a word document that you
can Name and Save in any folder that you wish
SHOUT OUT TO MY FINGERS, I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON THEM
BUYING AN AIRLINE TICKET IS LIKE PAYING SHIPPING AND HANDLING FOR YOURSELF.
EAT RIGHT. STAY FIT. DIE ANYWAY
"I BEFORE E EXCEPT AFTER C" IS DISPROVED BY SCIENCE
GETTING ANOTHER SET OF TEETH WOULD BE MUCH MORE USEFUL AT AGE 60 THAN AGE 6.
I JUST WISH ONCE SOMEONE WOULD CALL ME "SIR" WITHOUT ADDING, "YOU'RE MAKING A SCENE."
1. LITERATURE: How many daughters does King Lear have
in Shakespeare's play?
2. MUSIC: When did MTV make its debut?
3. GEOGRAPHY: What is the tallest mountain in Western
Europe?
4. ANATOMY: What is the biggest bone in the foot?
5. HISTORY: Who founded the abolitionist newspaper "The
North Star"?
6. LANGUAGE: What does the Latin phrase "non compos
mentis" mean?
7. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: What was the site of CocaCola's first bottling company?
8. COMICS: What is the name of Dennis' younger buddy in
the "Dennis the Menace" comic panel?
9. SCIENCE: How fast can a bolt of lightning travel?
10. TELEVISION: In what fictional city does the soap opera
"All My Children" take place?
Answers
1. Three
2. Aug. 1, 1981
3. Mont Blanc
4. The heel bone, or calcaneus
5. Frederick Douglass
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
6. Not of sound mind
7. Chattanooga, Tenn., 1899
8. Joey
9. 3,700 miles per second
10. Pine Valley, Pennsylvania
WORK WITHOUT LOVE IS SLAVERY
THE SINKING OF THE TITANIC MUST HAVE BEEN A MIRACLE TO THE LOBSTERS IN THE KITCHEN.
I WONDER WHAT MY DOG NAMED ME
FAME
A once famous movie star decides it’s time to do some public
relations at a local nursing home. He begins his "tour" down
the main hallway and passes by a little old man
who doesn’t seem to notice him. Sensing this, the
movie star backtracks to the resident and
asks, "Do you know who I am?"
I JUST LET MY MIND WANDER, AND IT DIDN’T COME BACK
The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front
desk, they can tell you."
DUH!
A mother’s 5-year-old daughter came to her and
asked her to start recycling. Smiling, and a little impressed, she
asked, "Why?"
The little girl replied sincerely, "So you can help
me save the planet."
Wanting to know more, the mom asked, "And
why do you want to save the planet?"
With hands on hips, the little girl replied in an exasperated tone, “Because that's where I keep all my
stuff."
FIDDLING AROUND
An estate broker went to a pawnshop owner and
asked the man to appraise a violin.
“Old fiddles aren't worth much, I'm afraid," he explained.
"What makes it a fiddle and not a violin?"
the broker asked.
"If you're buying it from me, it's a violin.
If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle."
I AM NOT YOUNG ENOUGH TO KNOW EVERYTHING
LET EVERYTHING YOU SAY BE GOOD AND HELPFUL, SO THAT YOUR WORDS WILL BE AN ENCOURAGEMENT TO THOSE WHO HEAR THEM
BRAVERY IS BEING THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS YOU'RE AFRAID
¥ On Jan. 27, 1785, the Georgia General Assembly incorporates the University of Georgia, the first state-funded institution of higher learning in the new republic. It wasn't until
1918 that the university began admitting women.
¥ On Feb. 1, 1885, John Taylor, the president of the Mormon
Latter-day Saints Church, goes "underground" to avoid arrest
and continue resisting federal demands for polygamy. Taylor
had at least seven wives. Although the Mormons wanted freedom from outside interference, they also sought the benefits
of being a part of the United States. Inevitably, these two
goals conflicted.
¥ On Jan. 28, 1959, the Green Bay Packers of the National
Football League sign Vince Lombardi to a five-year contract
as the team's coach and general manager.
The Brooklyn-born Lombardi played college football at Fordham University as a
guard on the offensive line, dubbed the
"Seven Blocks of Granite."
¥ On Jan. 31, 1945, Pvt. Eddie Slovik be-
POLITICIAN: ONE WHO IS WILLING TO DO ANYTHING ON EARTH FOR THE WORKERS EXCEPT BECOME ONE
comes the first American soldier since the Civil
War to be executed for desertion. Slovik
was originally classified 4-F because of
a prison record, but was reclassified
1-A when draft standards were lowered. In 1944, he was trained to be a
rifleman, which was not to his liking,
as he hated guns.
¥ On Jan. 30, 1920, Toyo Cork
Kogyo, a Japanese cork business, is formed. A decade later,
the company produced its first vehicle and changed its name
to Mazda. The Mazda-Go was a three-wheeled truck that resembled a motorcycle with a cargo-carrier at the back.
¥ On Jan. 29, 1964, Stanley Kubrick's black comic masterpiece "Dr. Strangelove" opens in theaters to both critical and
popular acclaim. The movie focused on the actions of a rogue
U.S. military officer who believed that communists are threatening the "precious bodily fluids" of Americans.
¥ On Jan. 26, 1980, at the request of President
Jimmy Carter, the U.S. Olympic Committee
votes to ask the International Olympic
Committee to cancel or move the Moscow Olympics in response to the Soviet
military invasion of Afghanistan.
(c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.
JOY IS THE INFALLIBLE SIGN OF THE PRESENCE OF GOD
A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN IS LIKE A FISH WITHOUT A BICYCLE
DOGS HAVE MASTERS. CATS HAVE STAFF
YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE, BUT IF YOU DO IT RIGHT, ONCE IS ENOUGH
FILM SALUTES FLAG LADIES OF FREEPORT
Every Tuesday morning since Sept. 11, 2001, the Freeport Flag
Ladies -- Carmen, Elaine and JoAnn -- have stood on a corner in
downtown Freeport, Maine, holding flags to honor those in uniform who've worked to guarantee our freedoms. Rain, wind,
snow, ice, heat of summer ... they haven't missed a single day.
On most Tuesday mornings, the ladies aren't alone. People come
from all walks of life to stand with them: leaders of groups like
the American Legion or the Veterans of Foreign Wars, parents
of active-duty military, or school kids or neighbors. Many are
veterans.
But the ladies do so much more than bring people together on
Tuesday mornings. Wearing their instantly identifiable flag
shirts, they attend military funerals, take photos of incoming and
outgoing service personnel at the airport and post them on the
website (FreeportFlagLadies.com), send packages to veterans in
hospitals, place flags at veteran cemeteries, and more.
Now you can meet these lovely ladies in a film that's been made
about them, and hear their philosophies and beliefs about heroes
and freedom, and why they do what they do. A Maine filmmaker
has produced a spot-on documentary that captures the essence of
the Freeport Flag Ladies.
The film "One Tuesday Morning" is available now on Vimeo for
$2.99 to rent (for a 48-hour period) or for $8.99 to buy. The link
is: vimeo.com/ondemand/onetuesdaymorning. If you prefer to
use DVDs, one is being created now and should be available
within a month or so. The price likely will be in the $15 range. If
you'd like to wait for the DVD and be notified when it's ready,
send an email note to [email protected] and you'll
be put on the list.
To watch the trailer, visit onetuesdaymorning.com. Don't miss
the Extras section, linked from the left.
Freddy Groves regrets that he cannot personally answer reader
questions, but will incorporate them into his column whenever possible. Send email to [email protected].
(c) 2014 King Features Synd., Inc.
TO RECEIVE "DIRECTION" FROM GOD, WE MUST BE WILLING TO RECEIVE "CORRECTION" FROM GOD
LORD, KEEP YOUR ARM AROUND MY SHOULDER AND YOUR HAND OVER MY MOUTH
IF YOU ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO FIND A WEIRDO NEVER LET THEM GO
WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS IS MORE UNEMPLOYED POLITICIANS
¥ Those who traveled by air over the recent holiday season may
sympathize with political satirist Mark Russell, who made the
following sage observation: "The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage."
¥ If you're planning a visit to rural Texas anytime soon, you might want to keep in mind that
in that state, it's against the law to milk a cow that
belongs to someone else.
¥ If you're afraid that peanut butter will stick to
the roof of your mouth, you suffer from arachibutyophobia.
ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU'RE UNIQUE, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
¥ You may have heard of bridezilla, but what
about momzilla? In a survey by David's Bridal, 22 percent of respondents claimed that it
was the mother of the bride who caused the
most conflict when planning the event,
while another 22 percent said that it was the
mother of the groom. You might want to take
these results with a grain of salt, though, considering the fact that the survey respondents were
actually brides themselves.
¥ Even an honest person might have some sympathy for the
deceit attempted by a man named Corey Taylor in 2007. He
was so desperate to get out of his cell-phone contract without
paying the high fee that he attempted to fake
his own death. Unfortunately for him, it didn't
work.
¥ You may be surprised to learn that condoms date back to at least the 1600s.
¥ The elephant shrew is more closely
related to the elephant than to the shrew.
Thought for the Day: "My therapist told
me the way to achieve true inner peace is to
finish what I start. So far I've finished two
bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." -Dave Barry
(c) 2015 King Features Synd., Inc.