free book chapter

Extract of the book Women Rising - Changing the world one voice at a time. It’s a compilation of
19 powerful women sharing their stories of struggle and triumph.
Creating a vibrant life beyond the limitations of this reality.
I’ve always had a strong need to belong. I grew up wanting to please everyone around me,
to be appreciated, positively acknowledged and loved. This pattern repeated itself
throughout my childhood, youth and adulthood with family members, teachers, friends
and lovers. I was driven by the need of not being abandoned and was ready to be and do
whatever it took to feel safe and cared for. Along the years, I developed remarkable skills in
acting different roles and becoming something or someone I actually wasn’t. Eventually,
playing those roles, became like a second nature to me. I mastered the rules and
regulations of our society and culture. I had even out created the expectations by moving
abroad alone at the age of 18, learning a new language and integrating myself admirably in
another culture.
My deep desire to be loved and accepted created years of looking for outside validation
and lead to an unconscious quest for perfection. If I worked hard and was successful, if I
had friends, if I could get along with people, if I could take care of myself, look good and
find a good man who could take care of me and create a happy family, THEN I finally could
relax, feel loved and be enough. So, I did all that, I had all that, but it still wasn’t enough... I
still didn’t feel at peace with myself. There was one person missing from the equation.
ME ! I was looking from the outside something that had to be found from the inside. Trying
to get everything right, I had become really good at being and doing what this reality
expected from me. At the age of 33, I finally had “achieved it all”. From the outside, I was
living the dream. Living in France being married to my gorgeous soulmate, having three
amazing and healthy children, a beautiful house, dear friends, a very comfortable financial
situation, a creative corporate job where I could combine being a professional and a
According to everyone, I had it all and was supposed to be happy and satisfied, but on the
inside, I was literally dying !
I had lost connection with myself and had ended up living someone else’s dream. Thinking
there was something wrong with me, feeling unworthy, I was hiding and resisting being
myself so dynamically that my body was manifesting several autoimmune diseases like
ulcerous colitis, depression, chronic inflammation and hypothyroiditis. Autoimmunity
literally meaning “failure of an organism in recognizing its own constituent parts as self,
leading to an immune
response against its own cells and tissues”. Simply put, I had become infectiously toxic to
myself. My sweet and amazing body was expressing the war within me and I wasn’t
listening !
January 2011, was a breaking point for me. I had hit the bottom. My third son was only
only eight months and I had just returned back to work just to discover that I couldn’t do
the corporate thing anymore. I found myself having my 8th abdominal surgery, this time
for a sudden bowel obstruction and experienced excruciating pain and suffering. I felt my
body was letting me down once more and couldn’t see the meaning of it all.
But it’s also that very same painful event that shook me enough to finally wake me up. I
was NOT OK with not being in charge of my life ! I was NOT OK with being a victim and
afraid of my body ! And was NOT OK with being sick and unhappy !
It was then, back home from hospital, that I made the firm demand for things to change ! I
strongly desired to live vibrantly, be happy and change the world. Deep inside, I knew there
had to be something different possible, something greater and truly meaningful out
there. I was willing to be and do whatever it took to find it. I now believe it was my intense
and strong demand for change that opened up new possibilities to show up and initiated
my magic holistic healing journey to fully being alive.
I started seeking guidance, knowledge, inspiration and help from amazing, courageous
and wise people from all over the world. I spent two years working full time with functional
doctors, shamans, therapists, seekers, consciousness leaders and world changers. I
learned form my children how to vulnerably be in the present moment and play with
everything. I slowed down, focused on me and started observing the world with a new
awe and wonder. I spent most of my time, money and energy changing almost anything
that can be changed from food to relationships, parenting, thinking, feeling and self care
habits. I dynamically explored the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual dimensions of
my wellbeing and let go of my limiting beliefs, thoughts and emotions that were holding
me back from living the life of my dreams. Since I didn’t have anything to lose anymore, I
adventurously and playfully explored ! I tried new things, some of them worked out, some
not. I tried again, and again, and again and learned through that intuitive experimentation
of failure and success what actually worked for me.
With more ease than ever before, my body, mind and soul healed from the inside out and
my life was entirely transformed. I found the precious connection to me and the sense of
belonging in oneness with everything and everyone around me.
Empowered by the awareness gained from my self destructive experiences and through
my holistic healing journey back to health, happiness and consciousness, I’ve come to
realize how important it is to claim the leadership of your own life, to adventurously and
playfully explore new possibilities and to connect with others by sharing your experiences.
It’s up to you ! Get out of your own way and stop being a victim
The only person strong enough to stop you is YOU. It’s time to stop using others and
outside circumstances as excuses for not being happy and creating the life you truly
dream of. As long as we see ourselves as victims, we feel disempowered and helpless. We
need to stop blaming & whining, get out of our own stories and take responsibility for our
lives. We need to stop limiting ourselves with our past and start creating an exciting future
by curiously living the present moment. We are the infinitely potent creators of our own
reality, whether we know it or not. We always have choice. It’s up to each one of us to
choose to be happy and vibrant.
Explore, be the difference you truly are and choose more of what makes
YOU happy
All problems end when question begins. We need to start asking questions and create
new possibilities in stead of jumping into conclusions and functioning on autopilot mode
from old patterns. It’s by changing something, trying something new that we are able to
break those limiting patterns that no longer serve us and become aware of possibilities
we didn’t even think existed. We need to be willing to be the difference that we truly are.
It’s about choosing what works for you and what makes you happy, even if it’s really
different from anyone else around you. Even if it goes against everything you’ve even
been taught. What do YOU know and what’s true for YOU ?
Connect with others and change the world
I believe that we come alive in tribes. With the right community and support system, your
faraway ambitions are within reach. The life you imagine can become your reality. It was
the encounters and genuine connection with other healers, dreamers, seekers and world
changers from all walks of life that brought me back to life and inspired me to believe in my
dreams. It was others truly being the best versions of themselves and sharing their stories
that gave me hope and showed me infinite possibilities of being alive.
We all crave for inspiring stories about the way life could be and what’s actually possible
beyond the limitations of this reality. Something in your story just might change the life of
another. We all can contribute to each other. Together, we truly can change the world !
“If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake
up” (JM Power)
I believe we’re all meant to be conscious, inspired, healthy and happy, make our dreams
happen, inspire each other and be the contribution we truly can be. My mission is to wake
you up to you and to inspire you to create a vibrant life beyond the limitations of this
reality. Is now the time ?
My BIO :
Henrika Tonder is a visionary leader and a sparkling multicultural inspiration. She has a
background in international business, corporate communication & branding. Her wisdom
gained the hard way have awakened her to the infinite possibilities and potency that lies
within us. She is a caring catalyst for change with sharp awareness of energies. She
empowers people desiring change to access their greatness and introduces them to
choice. Henrika gives private sessions as a life coach and consciousness facilitator in
Finland and remotely worldwide. She is an inspirational speaker and talks about Waking
Up, Being Alive, Limitless Living and Changing the World through Consciousness.
Book her or connect with Henrika here :